I Choose My Own Truth

Undiluted Need.
Long thin fingers haunt my nightmares. Your sad smile, tired eyes.
A soft voice. A nervous kiss. Confused farewell. Broken glasses,
Battered walls. Nothing is strong enough now to keep you standing up.
I swear to god I'll let you go, if I could just go back to sleep.

These are my ghosts, the spaces amid love.
"If there is no love in the world, we will make a new world, and we will give it walls, and we will furnish it with soft, red interiors, from the inside out, and give it a knocker that resonates like a diamond falling to a jeweler's felt so that we should never hear it. Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does."

"Her life was a slow realization that the world was not for her, and that for whatever reason, she would never be happy and honest at the same time. She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release. Table, ivory elephant charm, rainbow, onion, hairdo, violence, melodrama, honey.. None of it moved her. She addressed the world honestly, searching for something deserving of the volumes of love she knew she had within her, but to each she would have to say, I don't love you."

-Everything Is Illuminated [Jonathan Safran Foer]


This is exactly what I needed.


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I Don't Have The Energy To Be Humane Anymore.

I also don't feel like being creative, or doing anything really.

I want everyone to know the ugly, torrid, biting truth;
It's too much work to keep up with a sensitive image.

I'm Always Waiting To Be Saved.

But what if instead of a fairy god-mother and prince charming,
Cinderella put on a pair of boots and got the fuck out of dodge?

I Feel Like Shit So I Bought Myself Some More Furry Babies

Clockwise from left: Elsie [aka LC or Little Cami because she's a pain in the ass] and Frances [Frances and Elsie of the Cottingley Fairies] are small rats, Steph and Lula [of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series] are large and almost fully grown.

Elsie and Frances were just my favourites out of all the small rats at work. Steph and Lula however were rescued from a 12 x 12 cage with barely enough room for a water bottle, tunnel, and food dish. They're in a large guinea pig cage now, and quite happy.

The ratlettes are in the old tank until they get big enough to not squeeze out the guinea cage, by which time Steph and Lula will be in the giant ferret cage with Sheila and Norma. Josh is pulling his hair out because now we have THREE white rats with only very minute differences and personalities to tell them apart.

I am quite happy. I love my girls.


My job is pretty amazing. I'm a little tired, but so worth it.


Work Makes Cami A Zombie

I really do love my job though. Petco is so good to me. I love the animals and my coworkers. I am really loving being on schedule. Waking up in the morning and reading and relaxing before going to bed at a normal time is wonderful.

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I Am Officially A Crazy Rodent Lady

 : :Yes, all that's in this giant cage is two medium/largish [but not jumbo] rats. What's awesome about it is that I only spent $20 more on this cage [yay for giant sales!] than I did on the old one which is about a fourth this size. Yes, I am already contemplating putting Aria in the cage for time out. She fits easily. It's 48 x 32 x 26. Mmmmmmrats ♥

Goddamnit, anyway.
  I'm going to be doing some big traveling this year. I want to adventure, and I want to be happy. I feel good things coming. Training for Petco starts at the end of the week, and I'm getting a lot of important things under way. Aria got her first library card and I am so happy that she is as in love with reading as I am. My life is looking up, and I'm feeling wonderful about it. Still sending lots of love and positivity out in a few different directions; hoping the good changes that are coming about in my life are infectious and can help the people I care about. ♥

PS: I ordered this shirt tonight and it makes me laugh so ridiculously hard.


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